Create to escape!
Don't cling to a mistake, just because you spent a long time making it.
Often life transforming journeys start out, not as a drive to create, but as a desperation to escape.
That switch in focus is key.
Mainly because, the hardest lesson is:
Letting go. Especially of an identity that isn’t “really” you.
By the age of 42…
I was a picture of success. On paper that is.
Married. New-born son. A Finance Director at a prestigious Advertising Agency.
Able to provide most anything my family desired.
Except, myself.
I was burnt out, and when I was home, I wasn’t really.
Not emotionally.
I was desperate to escape my work, but too scared to let go.
Afterall...
It was who I was. What defined me most.
And so I did...
Nothing.
That is…
Until one balmy evening, my wife told me that she didn’t want to be with me anymore.
Said, she didn’t know who I “really” was anymore.
In that moment…
… something died inside me.
And I realized:
I had to take full-responsibility for how I showed up in life.
That my family was worth it.
And so, I started to...
Run.
A little, each morning.
And I did breath-work.
That pulled me out of survival mode, until I felt normal again.
And I thought, I’m fine now.
But I caught myself.
Things might be back to normal.
Normal.
Normal?
Normal!!?
Hold on.
"Normal" was the problem.
What I realised in that moment was:
That I needed to address the real source of the issue.
My own self-worth, self-belief.
To permanently re-write my future history.
And that’s when I switched gears.
Deciding to do whatever it would take to see what I was truly capable of.
To prove to myself who I “really” was.
4 years on from that fateful balmy evening...
I’ve quit that job
I’m running my own business,
I’ve moved countries, and
I have an amazing relationship with my wife
(+ one new baby girl)
And here’s what made the difference.
It doesn’t matter…
… what you do, when you're out to create something genuinely new for yourself, because:
Anything you authentically want, “is” possible, but only “if”, you get a very clear answer to these 3 critical questions:
Who am I “really”?
We are not what we think.
In fact most of our thoughts are arbitrary.
They simply land on us.
The “I” we identify as “us”
(the little voice that always has an opinion about everything)
is not even “us”.
We have one, but it’s not the fullness of us.
It’s not our authentic Self.
In fact:
We make decisions based on emotions
Which are stored in the body
Then rationalise them with thought logic.
(See the Benjamin Libet experiments into consciousness in the early 80s)
And it’s possible to reconnect with that bodily intelligence which is at the source of our Authentic Self, by:
Moving,
Sweating, and
Breathing, with intention.
A few years ago I adopted a morning routine of exercise, stretching and breathing.
It’s what keeps me sane, in control and in flow.
What is the “real” meaning of my life?
What is most meaningful, is what we most value.
Our core values relate to the meanings and feelings we associated to the most intense happenings in our past.
Those defining moments.
Forged our core values.
But here’s the rub.
Often we enculturate the values, of those we look up to.
And when we do so, we lose our power.
In order to align our intentions in every sphere of our life.
And be our ultimate best.
We must use our core values as our compass.
The way to discover your core values is to reflect back on those most significant defining moments.
And try to peel the layers of the onion back.
In order to get to the core of your values.
A coach can be helpful for this exercise.
Incidentally, this process is also how you discover your unique gifts.
And uncover your true purpose.
More on that later.
Why do I “really” matter?
3 years ago....I attended a life coaching seminar.
Why?
To figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
In that seminar, I experienced what I can only describe as a sort of ‘god’ moment.
That shook me to the very foundation of my being.
And it was like this voice spoke to me.
About what I needed to do.
And it said:
“You have to help people, or your life won’t be worth crap”.
And as simple as it might sound, it...
Changed EVERYTHING.
What I got present to was that I had been chasing significance, hoping it would give me fulfilment.
But that the feeling of fulfilment was simply a bi-product of fulfilling on my true potential, which was:
Being of genuine service to others, AND
Choosing to make a meaningful impact
That aligned with my values and true purpose.
In order to have worth, be fulfilled, to matter…
You need to matter to someone for something, that’s bigger than you.
To choose a cause that lights you up, and
Use your unique gifts (your superpowers)
To become your ultimate best
For others, for yourself, and for your family.
So... now that I've shared my perspective on all that... I'm curious.
How might this apply to your situation?
Remember…
"The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you."
—Carl Jung.
Consider...
If you got something from this post, I want to invite you to consider sharing it with someone else, who may relate or benefit from it.
Sharing is caring... 🙂
